| Spoilers ahead, beware. |
[Jul. 7th, 2007|11:22 pm] |
Franz the spider monkey felt like a huge weight had been taken off of him. He had finally gotten out from underneath that huge rock. Not since the days of his travels with his mother, C-3PO, had he felt more capable. 'Today must be the day,' Franz thought, 'that I escape from the Zoo.'
As it turns out, escaping from the local Zoo would prove to be the most difficult thing Franz ever attempted. The biggest flaw in his plan was the fact that he lived in the jungles of South Antarctica, twelve thousand miles from any zoo. Seeing as Franz was legally insane and actually a British woman named Lois, it was to be expected that he would make such a ludicrous goal for himself.
Franz could feel his time growing short. He only had an hour until his husband would be home from the store, expecting dinner and a good hard fuck. What worried Franz the most was that his husband may expect them in reverse order, and he wasn't prepared to make dinner while limping OR dripping various fluids, including, but not limited to, semen and windshield wiping fluid.
There was no turning back now. Franz had made up his mind. He would see his spider monkey family that didn't really exist again! He made his way across the yard of his home, until he reached the cliff's edge that was his goal. For several moments, Franz stood there, his gaze stretching beyond even the horizon, lost in his own thoughts. He reflected upon his childhood, remembering the summer that his grandparents took him to see Charlie's Angels on ice. He saw his mother lubing up R2-D2 on video for money as if it was only yesterday. He saw The Goonies. As soon as the movie was over, he went back to the cliff. Franz took a deep breath, and jumped.
He fell a foot, landing safely on more snow. However, Franz was very fat, weighing in at 127 pounds. The force of his jump caused his house to topple over and collapse. Unbeknownst to him, or anyone else, Lord Voldemort was inside the house, looking for a cookie so he could gather strength for his final battle with some boy wizard up in England. He died upon impact.
And that, my friends, is the end of the 10-year story. Oh yeah, and the boy wizard fucked the redhead boy. |
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| LJ, we sure have changed. |
[Jun. 29th, 2007|09:03 am] |
Wow, leave for over half a year, and this is what happens. I'm gonna try to update my page here and get it all "Oh look, I'm current".
A fuckton has happened that I don't even feel like beginning to get into. I work at TGI Friday's now, which is fun, and good money (when I actually work). I didn't realize how miserable my old job was making me until it was out of my life.
I discovered this interesting little place called Wrigley Field Bar and Grill. I'm there at least once a week, Tuesdays and/or Wednesdays, singing Karaoke to my little heart's content. That's become a huge part of my life. If I'm not working, I'm probably home or there.
I now have a 2007 Ford Focus, as my dear, dear Cabrio was exponentially falling apart.
And yes, still single....even moreso than before, if that's possible. I had a couple tries, but that just made me realize how much I love my independence and being with no one at this point in time.
And now, I go to work.
Sweet Titties. |
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| Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I suck at LiveJournal. |
[Dec. 8th, 2006|08:29 pm] |
So Myspace has killed my LiveJournal basically, even though I don't blog there especially much anyway. I don't especially have anything of substance to report, aside from things I really don't want to say in a journal, so....kind of at an impasse, eh?
Did I even use that word correctly? I'm highly doubtful, but I wanted to use it anyway. I wish I was drunk, then I could blame the booze.
I'm finally getting over some MAJOR sickness I've had the past couple of weeks. I had the most severe ear infection I've ever had, complete with bleeding action! That led to other symptoms of sickness, which I will spare my small, small reading audience.
I've been on an adventure to get a new TV, which is proving difficult, seeing as everyone's willing to give me credit cards, but none of them are enough to get a TV. Fuck heads.
I'm out of things to say, alas. I suck. |
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| Maria you know you're my lover. |
[Aug. 12th, 2006|05:15 pm] |
The disappearance of Gerald has effected us all in different ways. When the inital shock wears off, though, I have every confidence that it will all be okay. Some places just aren't meant to have too many members, after all.
Playing nurse has been interesting, to say the least. It makes me feel powerful and powerless all at the same time. Like, I'm glad I'm able to help and make a difference, but I wish I could just make it all better in an instant instead. As bad as it may be, or as bad as it may get, there's nowhere else I'd rather be spending my weekend. |
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| On Shakira |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|01:09 am] |
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"Shit, nothin but truth comin' from these hips." |
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| Are you ready to jump? |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|03:34 pm] |
If you do the math, you'll see that it's been 83 days since I've written anything in my livejournal. And if you actually do the math, you'll either see that I'm full of shit or I just made a very good guess.
Today I am wearing women's pants from Lane Bryant, so I decided to make a post. Because, as we all know, women's pants are my muse when it comes to writing journal entries. That's why I'm always talking about popular Mexican foods and Chicken of the Sea.
I find today that I really enjoy the word "Feisty". This word, meaning "one which is filled with feist", has truly stolen my heart today. I'm surprised I'm still alive. It's a good thing I have that auxillary heart.
I have placed an embargo on country music, to be in place indefinitely. There will be no country music going in or out of this body. The penalty for violation of said embargo is a beating, to be implimented in one of several ways, depending on your level of hotness and/or level of gender.
Chocolate is the nectar of the Gods. The fat Gods. |
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| Pizza |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|07:23 pm] |
I haven't slept well the past few days, because my dreams have been bad. Not nightmares really, but unsettling I guess...but I can't even remember them.
But today, I know that I have to change. People say I'm funny. I'm not funny enough. I'm kind of cute, but it's not cute enough. So I have to get better. I'm not going to eat. I'm going to take pills. Maybe, just maybe, I can then be seen as a gucci knockoff too.
I'm through getting advice from insane monks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|09:38 am] |
All around your mother's bush
the monkey chased the weasel
the monkey thought it was a venus fly trap
and POP went your mother. |
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| It's Resurrection Bunny Time! |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|04:13 pm] |
Resurrection Bunny with a baseball bat
And so, I have no internet, and am forced to use the computer in the clubhouse of my apartment complex. It's getting quite windy, and I am enjoying the promise of storms. Today, Easter Sunday, I watched March of the Penguins, which, for what it was, was good. I also watched the original Scary Movie, because I stoleded it from my parents' house.
On April 28, I'll be moving into my new house with Shaun. We're going to Stellhorn Rd., just a couple of houses down from work. I could walk to work if I wanted to. Well, I suppose anyone could walk to work if they wanted to, but you know what I mean. It's a beautiful house with 4 bedrooms, a basement, garage, and 3 acres of dog-frolick land.
I didn't have a single chocolate bunny this year. ...The food, not the person. |
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| Because you care. |
[Apr. 1st, 2006|10:42 am] |
Okay, I had a dream that I was having a prophetic dream that Estelle Getty would die in 2009. Then in my dream, I woke up and told Shaun, and he was disgruntled. Then I actually woke up, and went, "...what....the.....fuck." |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|11:12 am] |
Three and a half hours of sleep!!! WOOOOOOOOOO! |
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| Word of the day |
[Mar. 29th, 2006|08:27 am] |
Kazall - (n...and v?...and...?) "Because I will", as featured in the James Blunt Song, "You're Beautiful".
Example: But I don't know what to do, kazall never be with you. |
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| True. |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|09:05 pm] |
"I'm gonna have to do this every day, until I forget tomorrow."
-Steve |
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| Word of the day |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|08:58 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | boobs, borneo, breasts, connie chung, flaccid, football (british), gatorade, kinky, modern art, poop, string, texas, wax, women's rights | ] |
Poobies - (n) Breasts which have been shat upon.
Example: Roger gave Bea a hot pair of Poobies before anal. |
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| Pee pee, daddy! |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|10:36 pm] |
Pretty Vegas is Pretty. And Vegas.
There has been a serious lack of Joy in my life, but I guess you'll have that when she lives 83737947 miles away.
Things have been great. I'm not really at a very significant point right now, I'm more or less just going one day at a time, enjoying life. The calm before the storm, perhaps?
You see, I'm not trying to do anything new just yet. When I have a roommate in May, I'll begin actually saving money, and that will eventually lead to me moving to Chicago. Who knows where that will take me. Well, I do, but the rest will find out in time.
Until then, I sit on a dot, nay, a speck on the planet, writing a journal entry which will have little to no impact....yet. ;) |
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| Oh, cakes and pies, cakes and pies. |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|12:28 pm] |
It has been my observation as of late that in my life experiences, there really just hasn't been enough fresh baked goods. Therefore, I'm going to .....buy cakes and pies....and eat them...
This has been an announcement brought to you by the Total Waste of Time Committee. Thank you. |
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| The first annual...or however often I feel like it |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|07:35 pm] |
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Now begins VIDEO GAME MARATHON WEEKEND! If anyone cares to participate, simply come over and play games with me ANY TIME this weekend. Or, if you wish, you can supply an adequate break in the marathon by calling me and wanting to do something besides play games. Food, sex, and general excursions of fun are acceptable reasons to pause gameplay. |
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queensteve's journal
anxious